Tuesday, December 27, 2011

January 14, 2011--control...

i feel like i'm losing my grasp on reality and my ability to control my self and not turn into a creepy stalker-type...

i'm scared that i'm gonna freak 10.0 by being so damned interested in her all the time. it's feeling harder and harder not to act weird around her. like, today, i'm obsessed with finding out if she's working, or if she's not working, and if she isn't working, well, where is she going, and would she want to hang out later, and ohmygod will she call me?? i just fb chatted her to ask if she's working, and tried to sound all breezy and not-that-interested, but i'm probably soooooo transparent. oh my fucking god. really? i need to get a hobby. like, maybe, doing my fucking job. which i've been barely doing since Jan. 3.

so pathetic.

i also emailed the cute guy from the airplane, L., and told him i was looking for a drinking buddy tonight, trying to cover my bases so that i'm not soooooo obsessed with whether or not i get to see her tonight. he just responded that he's already got plans, but to check with him next time, so at least he's still interested! so that's cool...

god. i feel disgusted with myself right now. blegh.

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