Friday, December 30, 2011

February 17, 2011--Fucking sucks.

Gah. Such a confusing week it's been.

I put down the deposit on the apartment. 10.0 continues to be hot and cold. I feel really confused and hurt and rejected. I feel excited that I'm taking some of my freedom back. My therapist is ' worried' about me, saying I need to watch my boundaries with 10.0, and stop talking to my work friends about it. I'm trying to hold back with her, but also feel really conflicted as I do that. But I also feel her pushing me away, even as she invites me to her birthday weekend. I saw today that the elephant I gave her for good luck is now on a top shelf in her office, FACING THE WALL. This actually makes me want to cry. I texted her asking if she's working tomorrow night. She responds quickly. I text again, mentioning something she wrote on fb, and she hasn't responded. I am now convinced that my attentiveness is being seen by her as creepy stalker behavior, and now I feel really embarrassed for wanting to connect with her. I need to stop. I feel needy and stupid and lame and weird. Ugh, she probably thinks I'm such a weirdo.

What. The. Fuck. This SUCKS.

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