Friday, December 30, 2011

February 9, 2011--re/dejected


so i'm feeling crappy right now.

i feel like she's been avoiding me today...and yesterday, really. well, sort of, anyway.

she never responded to my--oh. i forgot to mention that i texted her last night and told her that i had started looking at apartments. i shouldn't have done that, of course. and of course she has completely ignored that i told her that. fantastic.

she also, and this sounds stupid, but really impacts me, hasn't been responded when i do stuff on fb. this is totally dumb, i KNOW. but it hurts. i mean, she's responding to OTHER people's comments, wtf? why does she hate me??!??!?

a similar thing happened when the other lesbian in the office sent around an email about something mildly, but not-really-that impressive. and 10.0 immediately "replies to all" with glowing praise. then, i sent out my semi-regular email inviting my closer coworkers (10.0 included) to a dance party in my office. NO ONE REPLIED AND NO ONE STOPPED BY. this has happened before, but not many times. i don't know why, but the fact that this happened today feels like a punch in the stomach. really. it really hurt. hurts.

so, right now i feel like the fat kid sitting on the derelict swing set that only has one functional swing and is rusting and saggy, watching the gorgeous, skinny children frolicking in daisies and farting rainbows while puppies fall from the sky. i feel completely left out of the party, and am wondering if it's because i tried too hard...

Note from the future: I considered not posting this one....I sound so....pathetic, really. Self-loathing, definitely. But, it's real, and it's how I felt, and it's part of the story. And I really like the bit about farting rainbows, so....there you go.

1 comment:

  1. i'm not sure which i like more...farting rainbows or weeping unicorn tears...??