Tuesday, January 3, 2012

March 2, 2011--exhausting

one of my client's just said to me in session, "liking somebody is exhausting."

i agree. i agree.

still no word from her, and i'm trying to sit with it and let it be. i removed her name from my fb text alerts, so i will no longer know the second she updates her status. (yeah....i had done that. i know...sad.) it felt liberating to take her name of the short, short list of people whose statuses i see immediately. a bit freeing. she is not on the list.

i've also been repeating to myself, "we are not friends" along with some deep slow breaths. i know this sounds dramatic and mopey and angsty, but it helps me to be at peace, somehow. it hurts a lot less when she ignores me if i remember that we are not friends. much of the sting is taken away with that thought. we are not friends. ok.

i was just on fb for a second, the first time today, and saw that she was online. though she's across the country, my heart tugged, and i lingered for a moment to see if she might say something to me. but i didn't wait long. then i closed the window.

we are not friends.

*deep breath*


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