Tuesday, January 3, 2012

March 10, 2011--little ditty

well, that crashed and burned.

i saw her more than i have in awhile today. it was awkward and i didn't like it and i ended the day singing the following little ditty to myself: "you are not friends, you are not friends, get on with your fucking life!" something like that, i can't remember exactly now, but it was catchy.

i also left work angry. she is completely cold to me now. i need to stop trying! i ended up telling her about my plans to go to our shared fave restaurant for happy hour. she said "why are you going there?" i said "b/c i like it and i haven't been there in awhile." she said "uuuuh, i don't know, i'm so tired....i'll think about it." which of course meant she would not speak to me for the rest of the day. okay. i get it. i should get it, anyway. i need to take the fucking hint. it's over. we are NOT FRIENDS. i really need to fucking accept this, she's telling me, extremely passive aggressively, loud and fucking clear.

she's ignored more texts, ignored more attempts to connect. when i told her about happy hour i said it would be a nice chance to catch up, and she says, as she has been saying so much recently, "oh, there's nothing to talk about, nothing's going on with me." bull shit. i know it's bullshit. she went out to lunch with lesbian j. today, deciding not to come to the weekly staff wide lunch. she started coming to the lunch when we were talking more. now she doesn't. it hurts so much. such a pile of shit.

ugh, now i'm annoyed. i give up. i'm going to try to make it to yoga tomorrow. stretch some of this tension and anger and confusion out of my body. i wonder if they have a 5-hour yoga class i can take? i'm gonna need at least that long....

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