Tuesday, January 3, 2012

March 1, 2011--what is my PROBLEM!?

(Note from the future: Blergh. This one's pathetic. Ah, well, c'est la vie.)

a lot happened today. alot of crazy, confusing stuff that has little to do with 10.0 or hubby that i don't really feel like writing about right now.

i basically just need to document that i barely talked to 10.0 today, but she came to an event i had to throw for work, which was really nice of her, but also made me extremely nervous. we shared some long looks, i think i looked pretty today (a rarity lately) so at least there's that, but we pretty much stayed away from each other. i chatted with her a little, but not nearly as much as i'd like, and also not about what i'd like (i.e. i love you, let's run away together.) anyway, later, once i got back to the office, i popped in kind of mope-ily to ask her how she thought it went, not exactly an ideal use of my limited time with her, but it's what came out. she gave me reassurance that it was fine (i realize now i didn't even thank her for coming, ugh.) and then when i asked how she was she said that she was really busy (always) and i took the hint and said, "okay, sorry, bye!" and breezed away. always always breezing away.

so then, drama happened with one of my colleagues and myself (a post for another day, maybe) and i was busy talking and arguing and processing and blahblahblah until almost 6 and of course missed her. and she's going out of town for the rest of the week, which i am of course extremely aware of and ambivalent about. so i of course texted her the following: "hey pretty lady :o) hope you have a fantastic, safe trip!" and then some city-specific stuff about the place she's going. and i sent it.

what. the. fuck. was. i. thinking.

whhhhhhhy did i call her "pretty lady"? i know why, because i'm stupid and a glutton for punishment. she of course did not text me back. of course she didn't. and so now i'm all anxious and second, third, 45th-guessing myself because i should not have sent that freakin' text. and she checked in at the bar she works at earlier tonight, via her phone, so of course she saw it. awesome.

i'm with stoopid.

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