Thursday, January 5, 2012

March 16, 2011--worried, waiting.

uuuuuuuuuuuuugh, i'm trying to take many deep, calming breaths. I'm in an anxious state of waiting right now, and it suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucks. How impatient I am is really inconvenient, since you can't make people do what you want, or even not what you want, when you want it to happen. I always want to know now, and that's really not reasonable. I know that. And yet....

so here are the things i'm waiting for: i bit the bullet and texted c., telling her that i plan to go grab a drink tonight after a late night tonight at work, and would she like to join me? i texted her at 12, haven't heard back from her yet, and am therefore slowly and silently becoming extremely nervous that, yet again, i have busted through some invisible line from being cute and nice to be around to being obnoxious and impinging. silence is the worst thing for me. i can't handle it!! what is that about?? probably my parents and how i was raised. isn't everything? ugh.

the second thing is that after several days of pretty much avoiding each other like the plague since i flat-out asked 10.0 what was up, she actually came to my office a few minutes ago and said that she could come "catch up" with me later today. i said okay, and so we're going to talk at 3:30. i have no idea what's going to happen, and i hate it very much. my stomach is in knots and it's taking so much effort to get anything done. (and clearly i'm doing a good job, since i'm blogging, not working.)

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

(Note from the future: She didn't come "catch up." Shocking, no? No.)

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