Monday, January 16, 2012

Can I be queer here?

My mother came to visit New York for 3 days.

She stayed in my apartment. An apartment which I can now say, without a doubt, is big enough for exactly 1 person, the person that first person is dating, and maybe 3 other friends if they all want to come hang out and are bringing booze.

My apartment is not big enough for me and my mother.

There were many frustrating things about her visit, but the one I'll talk about here is that I hid things before she arrived.  Gay things.

I hid Season 1 of the L Word that I'm borrowing from a friend. I hid my copy of The Ethical Slut that I was given by a girl I dated for awhile and keep in the bathroom for light reading. I hid my "Can I be queer here?" bumper sticker that I keep pinned up on my bulletin board.  I hid my rainbow wrist band that I bought and wore proudly at my first Pride last summer.

I feel really sad that I hid things.  I shouldn't have to hide things.  Would she have even noticed? It's hard to say, really, since the rule in my family is "Don't say it," if the "it" in question might make anyone uncomfortable in the least. So, if she had seen my queer bumper sticker, she wouldn't have asked about it.  Wondered? Maybe. Asked? No.

Which probably would have hurt even more than whatever will actually happen when I come out to them.

Whenever that is...

1 comment:

  1. So glad you survived. No you shouldn't have to hide, but you need to come out to her in your own time and own way. You will get there.