Monday, January 2, 2012

new year

Happy New Year, queer-mos! (I know that not everyone who's reading this is necessarily queer, but, I wanted to say queer-mo, and also do believe that we all have a little gay in us, so....there you go.)

Anyway! Happy New Year :)

I feel like this is as good a time as any to share some of what it's been like for me to be looking back into the past year of my life, re-experiencing it, and, in some ways, purging it by sending it out into the ether (aka the internet).  When I really think about it, the fact that it's almost been a year since my entire life shifted is what got me itching to 1) look back at what I've experienced this year and 2) share my story.  I have some distance from it now (though my still-too-frequent, horribly annoying run-ins with 10.0 as recently as 2 weeks ago, do not provide me as much distance as I'd like) and with that distance, as I read these posts along with all of you, I am heartbroken at how sad some of it is.

I mean...some of this shit is sooooooooooo sad you guys.

And I know it's kind of weird for me to say that about my own writing, feels like someone else's.  I was talking to a friend yesterday about how much I'd forgotten what a dark place I was in only 11 months ago.  I didn't think I had, but I really think I had numbed out a bit re: how sad I was, how hard things were, how much pain I was in. I forgot.

But, as I remember now, it's actually nice to remember, so that I can feel really grateful for where I am now--the mental state I'm in, the physical space that I'm in, the relationship space that I'm in, the people I've met who have changed my life for the better.  

I really am happy now.  Seems impossible, I know, especially at the point we're at in my sad little story, but I am. I feel like it's important to say that now. Because I can actually say that now.

Happy New Year, indeed.

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