Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Jangly

I'll write about what happened with SM soon, I promise, but first I need to write about what happened with SC.  Which is...well, not a lot really, but...I'm having feelings. So...Yeah.

Alright, so I saw her for the first time in awhile on St. Patrick's day.  The first thing she said to me, when we met a group of friends for brunch, was "You look so pretty," as I hugged her hello.  This surprised me and confused me, and honestly annoyed me a little. Why would you say that to me, SC? Why? What good will that do, you know?

Anyway, for the rest of that day, I felt like we were drawn to each other in a way that, again, surprised me. Maybe it shouldn't have, but it did. I found myself really wanting to talk to her, wanting to catch up with her, and it felt like she wanted to, too.  We walked together from brunch to our first bar stop, and it felt nice, and almost comfortable. Again, surprising. We renewed our bond over our shared love of The Hunger Games, and even impulsively ordered matching HG-themed t-shirts, along with another friend of hers.  It was fun and relaxed and I felt really good about the whole thing, and sad when she called it a night early. But I wasn't overly stressed out or tense or anxious, and I didn't feel like I was buzzing and off-balance as a result of spending all that time with her. It was fine. Fun.

I say all of that in order to draw a stark contrast between St. Patrick's day and what just happened last night.

I saw her for...oh, maybe 20 minutes, and I couldn't wait to get away because it felt so hard to be around her and I was completely thrown off by how completely charmed I continue to be by her and how smitten I still am with her and it made me want to jump out of my skin.

As I walked back home with a friend of mine who'd come along as I went to pick up the afore-mentioned Hunger Games t-shirt, the only way I could describe to her how I felt was...

...jangly.

It was super weird.  Not necessarily bad, but not necessarily good.

My friend was giving me major side-eye as we walked home, apparently because she had never seen me so thrown off. "I've never seen you when you're around someone you like," she said.  And I said, "..." and felt annoyed. Annoyed that I was so unexpectedly affected by her. Annoyed that I was affected by her at all.  Annoyed at how beautiful she looked, even in her sweats. Annoyed that I care.

So yeah. That happened.

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