Thursday, October 10, 2013

My Coming Out Story-Part 4

Here we are, lovelies! Part 4 of my coming out story: the big moment when, almost a year ago, I sent my parents an email I had been writing in my head for months, and came out to them.  I remember this day so vividly, and probably always will.

Below is my post from that day, November 3, 2012, "Out":

I did it.

I sent the email telling my parents I'm gay.  As I fell asleep last night I thought, "Maybe I can send that tomorrow. I think I'm ready." And this morning, after kissing Elle goodbye as she headed back to her place, I ordered some vacuum bags online (a TOP PRIORITY, believe me) and then I came out to my parents.

As I sat there staring at the email before I sent it, I felt the wave of panic and nausea and almost cried in...relief? terror? I'm really not sure. Then I almost laughed as I decided to send the email with the subject "Some news...". Yeah, it's Some News, alright.

I didn't even tell Elle I was going to do it. I think I didn't want to talk about it before hand, I just wanted to DO IT. I was feeling in a good place to do it after having talked with both my parents this week, particularly my dad, and after having been reminded that they're really not so scary. At least when talking to their presumed-straight daughter.  And earlier in the week, I had said that my "friend Elle" was staying over during the hurricane, and it SUCKED SUCKED SUCKED to say that. That moment hurt us both, and I think after that, I was kind of over not telling them. The pain of hiding had finally won out over the fear.

So it's sent.  I don't know if it was the right thing to do, to email them. But I won't see them in person until December, and I HATE the phone, and I'm reminded of my therapist's advice, to not try to guess at how I can make it better for them (which is what I've done for most of my life)--what's better for me in this situation? What was better for me was to write it down and send it out. So that's what I did.

And now I wait...

but with a little less weight on my shoulders.

:)

Tomorrow, National Coming Out Day, I'll update you on how things went after that fateful day last year. But more importantly, I hope to share some of your coming out stories in this space, so send 'em in! Short or long, in prose, poetry, or bullet points, it's all good!

<3


No comments:

Post a Comment