Saturday, May 26, 2012

Gay = OK! (or, I made a gay shirt, you guys!)

Hello dear readers!

As I was brushing my teeth a few days ago (which is usually when I do my best thinking), I thought "Gay=OK" and then I thought, "hmmmm, I haven't seen that on a shirt! It should be on a shirt! Is it on a shirt?"

I did some googling, and, no! It's not.

So, I made some! Pride's coming up, which is always a good time to wear shirts that sing the praises of glorious gayness, so some of them have "Pride 2012" on them (I didn't add a city so that anyone can wear them to any pride celebration!). I added a widget to the sidebar over there ---------->
and here's a link: Gay=OK store.

10002661-20487434

They're about $25-30 a pop, which includes 5 bucks coming back to me for "designing" them. Let me know (in the comments or using my "Contact Me" form) if you want a Gay=OK shirt but don't like the options available, I'd be glad to make some different ones, too!

I'm so curious to see if anyone other than me likes these--I know I'm buying a few for myself and the gf! (Also, more on that soon, I've got a lot of things to write about!)




Monday, May 14, 2012

Home

So. I find myself in a relationship unlike any I've had before.  With a woman. I love her. Completely.

It happened slowly, but also quickly.

It is amazing.

It is terrifying.

I met Elle 3+ months ago through work.  We hit it off immediately, found each other hilarious, and liked all the same things.  She was the first (and only) person I felt comfortable officially coming out to in the office.  She then (sort of) came out to me.  We then began spending more and more office time together, talking, laughing, confiding.  But at first, as much as I wanted to move our friendship into the real world (and specifically into my favorite queer spaces), I said we had to wait until May, when her time in our shared office was over.  It was extremely frustrating, as we were becoming better and better friends, but I was scared.  Fresh off a horrible example of what can happen when you become close friends with colleagues and then are devastated and hurt, and then forced to face that devastation everyday thereafter, I felt like I couldn't take that risk, because I wouldn't be able to take it if it somehow blew up in my face.

But then my friend A helped me not to feel so scared (eternal thanks to her) and I shyly, but joyfully, invited Elle out with me and my friends for St. Patrick's Day in March.  I met her best friend. I was nervous about what they both thought of me, real me, out in the world, gay and corny and drunk and a terrible (if enthusiastic) dancer.

It was a wonderful night.  Especially once everyone else drifted home and we were left alone, the only two dancing in a half-empty bar until 2 (3?) in the morning. That night I realized my attraction to her, and that night I started to try to push it away.

From that day to this one, we have become best friends. We have told each other we love each other. We have watched (a LOT) of nerdy TV together.  We have shared things, intimate, painful things, about ourselves with each other.  We have cried together.  In the past 3+ months, I have let her in, shown her who I really am (often with her help and because of her constant, though baffling, interest and care), more than I have ever let anyone in before in my life.  I think this is the case for her, too, letting me know her, the real her, as no one else has.

It is so amazing, this love with her.  And it is so unexpected, and moving.  Who knew this kind of connection was possible? Who knew that it could happen for me?

It also makes me realize what my previous relationships were not.  I feel so safe with her. So safe and vulnerable, but delightfully so.  Only in comparison can I see that I have not felt this before.  I feel so delighted by her and she, somehow, feels the same about me.  We are so in sync, so comfortable, so caring.  It's startling, and beautiful, and scary. And we talk about all of those things.  Cry about them. Smile lovingly at each other.

And then we watch some Firefly (or...not, these days) and fall into each others' arms.

Home.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

On Directing

I'm working on a long post to explain the current state of my life, which is, in a word...amazing. But I'm not done with it, and right now my allergies are making me kind of slow and a little dumb, so it's not gonna get finished today like I'd hoped.  But I feel like I want to commemorate how I'm feeling today. 

How am I feeling today, you ask? Happy, scared, a little nauseous, distracted, turned-on.  In other words, in love.

:o)

It might seem sudden, but it's not really. And like I said, all will be explained, but for now, Tegan and Sara will help me sum up how I feel, right now, about....her. (Lyrics below.)




"On Directing"


You're directing me, your eyes focus like a microscope.
Get the cuts you need, eyes focus like a microscope.

Go steady with me, I know it turns you off when I - I get talking like a teen.
I get talking like a teen.

You're directing me. You're dressed up I lose my grip, my focus.
Make those eyes at me, I lose my grip, I lose my focus.

Go steady with me, I know it turns you off when I - I get talking like a teen.
I get talking like a teen.
Go steady with me, I know it turns you off when I - I get talking like a teen.
I get talking like a teen.

(Oh, oh, hold onto me)
You're directing me, your eyes focus like a microscope.
(Oh, oh, hold onto me)
Get the cuts you need, eyes focus like a microscope.
(Oh, oh, hold onto me)
You're directing me. You're dressed up I lose my grip, my focus.
(Oh, oh, hold onto me)
Make those eyes at me, I lose my grip, I lose my focus.

Go steady with me, I know it turns you off when I - I get talking like a teen.
(Talking like a teen)
I get talking like a teen.

Go steady with me, I know it turns you off when I - I get talking like a teen.
(Talking like a teen)
I get talking like a teen.

(oh, oh, hold onto me)
Go steady with me, I know it turns you off when I (oh, oh, hold onto me) - I get talking like a teen.
(Talking like a teen)
I get talking like a teen.

Go steady with me, I know (I know) it turns you off when I (oh, oh, hold onto me)- I get talking like a teen.
(Talking like a teen)
I get talking like a teen.
I get talking like a teen.  

Monday, May 7, 2012

Aqua Girl 2012: Reflections

Aqua Girl 2012. Four days of heat, crystal blue water, drinking, and lesbians. 

I was there.

It was overwhelming. Hot. Fun. Loud. Gay.

The things that struck me most about the weekend were:
  • The Diversity--There were women of every ilk at Aqua Girl.  All shapes, sizes, races, ethnicities, orientations.  It was quite beautiful, really. I loved it.
  • The Couples--There were so. many. couples! I wasn't expecting this.  Everywhere you looked, there were women holding hands, gazing adoringly at each other, just--being together.  I was shocked to find that I very much want that too, it turns out.  I was on this vacation, surrounded by beautiful single, gay women, and--I wasn't really interested in finding someone for a fling. (Or, a "Pride Girlfriend," as my new friend Jo called it.)  Nor did I try to.  I spent time with my friends, appreciated the view, so to speak, but--I didn't make a single move to hook up with some random girl.  Basically, it hit me over the head like a ton of brinks (or an ample bosom)--I want a girlfriend. Huh.
  • How Old I Felt--I am a good, some might say champion, drinker. I often joke that this is the most valuable skill I gained in undergrad. (But seriously, it kind of is.) So, I am a good drinker and this weekend was, at its core, about drinking like a champ.  And yet, I spent most the trip in the area between sober and mildly buzzed. I barely took advantage of the open bars I had access to as a VIP pass holder, and actually chose to skip the big Saturday night party--partly because I had terrible heartburn and cramps, but partly because I was feeling rundown and tired and didn't want to go to another fucking party, EVEN THOUGH I had dropped a lot of dough for it. Also, can I reiterate that I had heartburn? Heartburn! As of 1 year ago I had never had heartburn. Oy.
Exhibit B--At the final party of the weekend, we walked into the back room (where the dance floor was), and I immediately walked back out because the music was too loud.  All I needed was a cane to brandish and a patch of grass to shoo kids off of, and my transformation into crochety old woman would be complete.  It was SOOOOOOOO LOUD though! Like, the bass made my heart feel like it was going to bounce out of my chest. NO THANK YOU.
Add to all of this the fact that I just wanted to be sitting somewhere holding someone's hand who I loved (okay, and maybe having sex with them) rather than in that club in Miami that smelled unmistakably like last night's vomit and the case is closed.
I be old.


So, those are my initial thoughts on Aqua Girl.  It was fun, but I will definitely do it differently if I go back. For example, I'll probably go with my girlfriend next time.

Yeah...That'll be nice. Now I just need to find her.