Saturday, August 23, 2014

On Queerness (Podcast Episode 5)

Hi lovelies!

I wanted to share the most recent episode of the New Lesbian Podcast with you, called "Can I Be Queer Here." I'm really proud of it.  Elle and I talk about what being "queer" actually means.  There's a lot of misinformation that gets spread far and wide about what it means if someone identifies as queer, and we were inspired to do this episode after seeing up close and personal some of that misinformation being spread to thousands of people on twitter, and then being defended as truth.  It was really upsetting and disappointing to see, so we thought we would try to do something about it.

Please share this episode on your twitter and facebook--we all have to help educate people. Ignorance is the basis for so much of the discrimination in the world--fight back! (And now I'll get off my soap box.)

So, here is Episode 5 of the New Lesbian podcast. You can also listen on iTunes, SoundCloud, or any other podcast app!

xx



Links:
Edie’s Facebook friend: MJGardner.com
Derek Jarman (British Gay Rights Activist)
The Mighty Ducks Movie
Aaron Schwartz grew up nice
Emilio Estevez looked great in 1985
Send us your questions and tell us what you think on ask.fm!
Stitcher Radio app (please rate us if you like the show!)

Social Medias:
Twitter:  @edie_wyatt  |  @new_elle
New Lesbian on Facebook
Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr
Edie on Instagram



Friday, August 15, 2014

New Lesbian: The Podcast Episode 4!

Hello lovelies!
New Lesbian: The Podcast Episode 4 is here! (It's actually been here for awhile, but I never got a chance to do a post about it, oops). Listen in the player below, or on iTunes, Stitcher, Soundcloud, or whatever podcast app thingy you like! Show notes are below--this was a good one!

xx




In this episode we talk about Elle meeting ALL of Edie’s family on a visit to the South, during which Edie dissociated slightly, and why you shouldn’t start a detox when you’re introducing your girlfriend to your family. We also answer a listener question about what to do when you’re feeling scared about dating. Then it’s Who Would You Do: Orphan Black edition! (Watch that show, guys, it’s excellent.) newlesbianpodcast.wordpress.com

Links:
New Lesbian Blog post about Edie’s experiences at her parents’ house

Zaxby’s

Orphan Black (You can watch all of Season 1 free with Amazon Prime if you have it!)

Edie’s XOJane.com piece on bankruptcy

Send us your questions on ask.fm!

Social Medias:

Twitter:
@edie_wyatt     @new_elle

New Lesbian on Facebook

Follow New Lesbian on Tumblr

Edie on Instagram


Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Bankrupt

Hi lovelies,

As some of you who follow me on twitter might already know, I had a piece published on xoJane.com last week, which revealed that I filed for bankruptcy last year, and continue to have a hard time making ends meet financially. I've been trying to write that piece for a long time, almost a year, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it, to admit that things were really that bad. But they were.

The xoJane article
In some ways, they still are. 

I'll be digging myself out of the hole I ended up in for many more years, and things will continue to be very tight for me for a long time.

That part of my story isn't unique, of course. So many of us are struggling every single day to make ends meet. The point I was really trying to make with the xoJane piece (which I think got lost in translation for some people, if the comments section is any indication) is that I couldn't reconcile the fact that I had just graduated with a doctoral degree, and had (by then) a decent job, but also couldn't afford to eat because of all the debt I had wracked up in the 2 years after my divorce, when I was living for a time on part-time work, and still in school.

It didn't add up, didn't seem right, and it was really hard for me to take a long hard look at how that had happened.  It was (and still is) almost impossible for me to tolerate telling my peers and friends the truth about my situation. It remains extremely embarrassing and shameful for me, but I also wanted to start telling more of the truth about my life, as I promised a few posts ago.

The point of the xoJane piece was really intended to be more about that part, that I feel ashamed and hide a lot of my current life from my friends because money and money problems aren't talked about, and how I feel that I especially can't talk about that because on paper my life should be pretty sweet. That's what the piece was supposed to be about.

But there a lot of things I left out of the xoJane piece, in terms of the things I wish I had done differently:

  • I wish I had not listened to my husband when he said that I should stop working while in school. This was his idea, when we moved in together, before we were even engaged. I should not have stopped working.  It was just a retail job, and I hated it, but I should have kept it.
  • I wish that I had started saving from that time as well.  I should have kept working and been saving, always. As I wrote in the piece, I think I felt that if I had kept a separate savings account while I was with my husband I would have been expecting the worst, expecting the end, saving to protect myself "in case my man left me." I see now (and as many commented on the piece) that I should have been saving in case of ANY unforeseen situation, like, for example, me realizing my husband was an asshole and, oh, also that I am gay.
  • Once I finally had a decent, paying job, I should have stopped using the credit cards. Had I done that, so much stress would have been avoided. To stop using them, of course, would have meant living more meagerly, and that's what I should have done. But I was foolish, and not thinking ahead, and was consumed with keeping up with the Joneses, and had been privileged enough my whole life to not really understand how much I could live without. I only really started to figure that out in the past year, what I really need and what I don't. It's been quite a wake up call.
  • I should have remembered that my student loan payments WOULD START. I was in denial about the reality of that inevitable burden.  I was in school for so long that it just kept seeming like something that I wouldn't have to deal with until "later." When later actually came, I was totally, utterly screwed. The little bit of planning I had been doing, the budget I was living by, did not include paying back 125K in student loans. Whoops.
  • I should have sought out financial planning help, since none was ever provided in all of my 30 years. Some people in the comments of the xoJane article said that at 30 I just "should have known" how to deal with my money. I agree with that, in part. Some things are common sense, aren't they? But part of my issue, privileged as it is, is that I had never been on my own before. I went from my parents' house, to college, to living with my boyfriend. When I think about that now I can't help but shake my head. What a child I was, you know? I didn't realize it at the time, but I had not ever been truly independent until I was 29 years old. I didn't know how to do it, clearly, and so I made a mess of things. So I stand by saying that I wish someone had told me how to plan and save my money. I don't think that most of us get those lessons from anywhere, particularly if you're in the academic world.  Money is JUST NOT TALKED ABOUT. I can't emphasize that enough. Add to that the fact that I was sold the fantasy that my expensive degree would guarantee me easy access to a great, high-paying job and I was sunk before I even began.
I'm curious what you think about all of this. I know what the xoJane crowd thinks, but what of you lovelies? Be honest, I promise I can take it!

xx