Friday, February 28, 2014

Married, Divorced, and Gay by 30-my book (cover)!

It's my book cover, y'all!

I am so excited to finally share with all of you the final cover design for my memoir, "Married, Divorced, and Gay by 30".  It was designed by Kim Carmel, and I hope you like it!

Now begins the big push. I'm trying to work on the book every day, but I have to admit, I keep psyching myself out. Like, why the fuck will anyone care about my life, you know? But I know that it's a good story, part cautionary tale, part bat-shit crazy, part "omg how do I have sex with ladies?!" and part...well, happy ending, I guess :) So I'm gonna put it out there, and I'll let you lovelies be the judge. *wipes flop sweat from forehead*

I've put a teaser sampler up on if you'd like a taste of the VERY different place my story starts than where this blog picked up.  If you like it, let me know by clicking "like" on Goodreads--that's how I'll know if you want MOAR TEASERS.

Thanks for your support you guys!


Thursday, February 6, 2014

on Sochi

I love the Olympics. I still have memories of staying up until 2 am as a kid, watching the primetime Olympic coverage to the very end almost every night, if I could get away with it. I love the stories, the drama, watching people who've spent their entire lives working toward Olympic gold triumphing or failing, and the beauty and humanity of the entire spectacle. 

I. Love. Me. Some. Olympics.

I'm feeling a bit unsure about them this year, though. As you probably know, Russia has a new anti-gay law that bans "propaganda of nontraditional sexual relations to minors" i.e. "distributing information among minors that 1) is aimed at the creating nontraditional sexual attitudes, 2) makes nontraditional sexual relations attractive, 3) equates the social value of traditional and nontraditional sexual relations, or 4) creates an interest in nontraditional sexual relations"  Breaking this law can result in hefty fines or jail time.  But in actuality, what this law has done is make it open season on gays in Russia. Hate crimes against gay people in Russia are rampant, are often perpetuated by Russian officials, and the perpetrators of these crimes are not being arrested or in any way disciplined. The gay people they are victimizing are considered the criminals. This, is, obviously, despicable.

Also, last month, another law was being proposed by Russian lawmaker Alexei  Zhuravlyov to strip parenting rights from gay parents who used to be in straight relationships. He says: "In case any parent openly propagates homosexuality and only in this case, if the family splits, a child should exclusively stay with a parent who has heterosexual way of life." I MEAN....What the fuck.

And yet, this place, Russia, where such enormous human rights violations are occurring, is hosting the world's biggest sporting event, where all nations are supposed to come together, put aside their differences, and bond over our shared humanity.

Something's not adding up.

Of course, many human rights groups, governments, and more recently, corporations, are denouncing Russia's laws and calling for a boycott of the Olympics. And a large part of me feels that that's the right thing to do. But what about all of the gay athletes? What are they supposed to do?? They've worked, some of them, their entire lives for the chance to compete in an Olympic Games--how could they just NOT GO??

A few months ago, Johnny Weir, an openly gay figure skater, addressed this question and explained why he feels that athletes, gay or straight, shouldn't boycott the games. Here he is on Keith Olbermann (wearing a Russian military uniform, BY THE WAY):

If you don't want to watch that (like if you happen to find Johnny Weir insufferable...I sometimes find him pompous, and sometimes find him's very confusing), basically he said that it would invalidate all of the sacrifices his family had made for him, and negate his entire life's work, for him to boycott the Olympics, and that this is true for every athlete. He also said that even if people/athletes do boycott the games, the games will still happen, and that not going would give the propaganda more strength. He's saying that, by going, by showing up, specifically as a gay athlete, he will be making a powerful statement. And I get that. But, that being said, Johnny Weir is not actually competing.  He didn't register for the qualifying competition that determined the Olympic team, which strikes me as....odd. If you've spent your whole life as an athlete, why would you not register to qualify for the Olympics???? He will be there though, doing commentary for NBC, but still...weird.

I digress. This post is not supposed to be about Johnny Weir, my bad.

So, my favorite reaction to Russia's terrible politics is that of President Obama, and his decision to send a US delegation with several openly-gay members to the Olympics (including Brian Boitano, who came out publicly as a gay man after being appointed to the delegation--love it), while no one from the president's or vice-president's families will attend. OH SNAP. Read more about this here and here .

Speaking of figure skating (it might be kind of obvious at this point that I really like figure skating?...I really like figure skating, not in small part because it is filled to the brim with gays and I love it), SNL did a great sketch about how things might go if the US tried to make sure that none of the male skaters could be perceived as gay.


The Canadian Institute of Diversity and Inclusion put out this great PSA about how the Olympics "have always been a little gay", which, I mean, OBVIOUSLY. It's just 30 seconds of 2 dudes getting ready to luge. Perfection.

So, with all of this said, I'm still going to watch the Olympics, and will probably watch a LOT of Olympics, and will still love seeing the human drama play out and will love seeing people achieve their dreams and will fiercely root for the underdog. But I'll watch it all with a since of...unease. Because a lot of wrong is happening in Sochi.
But this 
Norwegian Curling Team
will also happen in Sochi, and I am SO HERE FOR THAT.
What are your thoughts on all this? Talk to me, lovelies.


Tuesday, February 4, 2014


This weekend, Elle and I went to visit some friends in NJ--we rented a car, packed up the dog, and took a little road trip.  We spent a lot of time in a confined space, I was tired from having already had a long, busy day by the time we set off, once we got to NJ I heard some things that--to put it mildly-- irritated me, and yet, at midnight when we piled back in the car to head home, I was happy and looking forward to spending another hour-plus in the car, because it would be more time with Elle, and she is my favorite person.

This is a big deal you guys.

In my life before, my ex-husband and I would spend a lot of time visiting friends, driving around, and had many late-night drives home after being in social situations together.  On SO MANY nights, by the time we were back in the car heading home, I was miserable, embarrassed, confused, irritated, or all of the above, baffled by the myriad things my ex had done in the course of the past several hours to make me question all of my life choices up to that point.  He would say something or do something completely callous, he would make me feel stupid, or worse, irrelevant, he would be utterly and completely himself and I would be horrified that I was associated with someone so obnoxious and oblivious.

And so those car rides would either be filled with me asking him what the hell he was thinking, or trying to explain to him why whatever he had said or done was really not okay, or why that other thing he had said or done had hurt me and yes, I really do have a right to be upset right now, or the entire ride would be spent in silence, him blissfully ignorant, me tired of trying, and wondering, again, how my young life had come to this, sitting silently in a car with a husband I could barely stand.

That was what I was used to, before.

And so last weekend, as I cheerfully got into the car, though I was tired and weary, I was also so very happy. Because my time with Elle never feels like it did with him. I feel loved with her, I feel seen, I feel known, and I feel happy and proud to with her. I like her. Even if there's a spat or a moment when we miss each other, we always come back, she notices it too, we talk about it, we laugh, we share, and it feels safe.  Such a novel thing.

I feel so lucky to have the chance to see how love can be.