Friday, January 24, 2014

How does your garden grow?

Lately, Elle and I have been in a bit of a battle about vagina hair.

Yep. You read that right.
I prefer to keep myself completely clean shaven. This is a post-becoming-a-lesbian thing. In my life before, I was a bit… hairier, as if I wasn’t so concerned about how the dining was for my male paramours, and I guess I wasn't? I mean, I wasn’t unkempt but…what I’m trying to say is that there was quite a bit of (neatly groomed) hair down there and I never really thought much about it.

I realize now that a big reason for that is that the men I was with were never particularly interested in going down on me and I wasn’t sexually experienced enough to know that they should be, or sexually empowered enough to know that I wanted them to be, yes please very much thank you.
So, there really wasn’t all that much thought going into the…place setting, if you will.
But then. Then I started going down on women and, well, I started paying a lot more attention to the set dressing.  I experienced some variety in my early exploits, ranging from nothing at all to “bust out the weed whacker.” I also became very aware that someone else’s face was going to be all up in my business (if all went according to plan), and you know how there’s that saying that women (regardless of sexuality, in my opinion) dress for other women? Well, I definitely dress my vagina for other women. When men were involved, I barely thought about it, but once a lady was going to be seeing my sacred garden? I cared.
And so I started grooming more, but was a bit scared at first to actually shave everything off. That just seemed…risky. I mean, one false move and—yikes, you know?  And I was not about to go get waxed. Mainly because I was broke, but also mainly because I am just not that much of a masochist.  But then, one of my hairless lady friends, who I assumed waxed, informed me that she just shaved all the hair away, and that it really wasn’t so hard to do! Realllyyyyyyyy????? I said.
And the heavens opened.

From that point on, I’ve kept things pretty clean down below, and I love it. I think everything feels better when there’s nothing in the way of all of that delicious friction, and I also just like that my girlfriend won’t have my pubes in her mouth. So, there’s that.

But here’s the thing? Elle likes me to leave a bit of a landing strip, at minimum. *EPIC SIGH* So a few months ago, I grew things out quite a bit for her, much to my chagrin. I was not having it, y'all. She loved it, of course.  And then I found a gray hair down there and that was the end of that. LOL SOB NEVER AGAIN.  Now, though I would much rather be completely hairless, I do still leave a landing strip, because that’s what she likes and I aim to please.
So then, of course, there’s the question of what I prefer on her? And this might sound lame, but it’s really true: I do not give a shit, as long as I can get my face down there.
Well, I guess that’s not entirely true, I’m not into the entirely untamed look (or feel), but literally anything short of bushwhacker territory is A-OK in my book.
So what about you, lovelies? How do you prefer to dine? What do you prefer for yourself?  Comment away, let’s talk about vagina hair!

Thursday, January 16, 2014

PUT IT ON YOUR FACE: Urban Decay NAKED Palette

Hello lovelies!!

So. This is obviously not a beauty blog. Obviously. But still, as I’ve gotten back into makeup lately, there are some things I’m really wanting to gush about. And, luckily, this is my blog, so I can do whatever the fuck I want! And…who knows, I might post about something that you'll wanna try and then realize you love too. Fantastic. These might happen once a week, maybe less often…who knows. Let’s dive in, shall we?

Please meet the love of my life (sorry, babe):

Isn’t she beautiful?

I realize I’m way behind with discovering the joys of the Naked Palette, since the Naked 3 palette just came out, but you know what? Whatever. There's something to be said for appreciating the classics.

I was lucky enough to be gifted this by my boo for Christmas, and I have literally not worn any other eyeshadows since. I have worn some combination of these every single day. It is THAT GOOD. These colors look great on my dark skin tone, there are options for day looks or evening looks, and more importantly, this palette is perfect for an amateur who is still figuring out how to wear eyeshadow without looking like a clown. You can pretty much try any combination and still look good. It's magical. I dig it.

My favorite colors right now are Smog and Gunmetal (the 7th and last colors in the pic above). But they’re all gorgeous. It can feel a little overwhelming to have so many colors to play with, though it is also glorious, and I found some handy YouTube videos that held my hand at the beginning. If you have or get Naked (ooh, sexy) and feel overwhelmed by all of the gorgeous possibilities, some of the videos below might help. Some of these may seem a bit complicated, but I really just used them to help me figure out which colors to put where. I have yet to wear an eye makeup look as heavy as any of these (and never wear the primer that comes with the palette, which makes the color pop alot more), but they're a great jumping off point. Be brave and try the color combos regardless of your skin tone! They will likely look great regardless.

Honestly, though, each color looks pretty great on its own. They all have quite a bit of depth, so even if you just sweep one color over your lid, with the right brush, you’ll be good to go. One day I just wore Smog, blended well, and Elle thought I had 3 different shades on. Sorcery, I tell you.

I love this thing so much. If you’ve ever been considering whether or not to get it, or if you’re trying to dive into wearing eye makeup, just do it. If you hate it, come bitch at me about it. I expect to hear from exactly zero of you. :)

(And no, I am in no way affiliated with Urban Decay, and this is not a sponsored post! I’m just a huge, newly devoted fan.)


Monday, January 13, 2014

to receive...

Recently Elle came into some money very unexpectedly, and she has been extremely generous to me lately as a result. Even more so than she usually is.

I'm having a hard time with it.

She tells me, and I believe her, that she really enjoys helping me out in ways big and small, buying me little gifts, like a lipstick, or bigger ones, like...well, more expensive lipstick, or a dinner date, or a very nice piece of technology that I thoroughly feel that I don't deserve but appreciate sooooooo much. 

I believe her that she enjoys doing these things because I feel the same way about her. When I can, I really love nothing more than to GIVE HER THINGS. It really just makes me so happy. I have a running list, like a written list, that I keep of all the things that I want to buy for her, or give to her, or do for her or with her. So I totally get it. Giving to someone you love is extremely fun and rewarding.

But there's a stubborn, prideful part of me, and perhaps also the masochistic part of me (which is a big part of me, actually, but that's a different post) that feels...I don't know...something. A little sad, maybe?

Like, I know it's not a competition, and I know that there have been times when I've been more able to give, and have done, and I know that there will be times like that again, but...

I don't know, it's like I really want to be able to get myself whatever I need or want. Still a reaction to my Life Before, I guess. It feels SO important to me that, if there's something I want, even if someone else gets it or does it for me, I need to know that I could. Even if I won't, I could.

But then, what is that existence? One where you don't need anyone's help for anything? That doesn't really exist--we all need a bit of help sometimes-- and I know that's not really a world I'd want to live in.  It's such a wonderful thing, and I am so grateful, to have someone, Elle, in my life who wants to be there. Wants to give, wants to help, wants to make me happy.

It's scary, too.

I hate that my past haunts me like this, makes me scared to lean, scared to let someone help, let someone carry me sometimes, let someone give to me.  Before, I was told to stop asking for those things, so it's jarring that now, I can maybe actually have the supportive relationship I've always wanted to have.

I can let someone love me fully.

It takes some getting used to.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Resolutions (and...a poll!)

Hi lovelies!

I'm excited about this new year, especially because this year is the year that I will self-publish my book! I'm really excited to share my whole story with all of you. As much as you know about my journey already from following my blog, there's SO MUCH MORE that happened before where this blog picked up, it's pretty cray and fairly hilarious when it's not, well...tragic. But then it gets less tragic! Can't wait for you all to read it.

I've started working on the book cover design, and am resolving to write/edit regularly so that I can GET IT DONE. As much as I want to do it, it's also a pretty daunting task. I mean, what the fuck do I know about publishing a book? Nothing, that's what. So it's a learning process, and a slow one, but I will do it, and I will do it THIS YEAR!

Get pumped.

I also want to write more here this year. To be honest, I've been feeling confused and conflicted about how to use this blog lately. It started out as my place to angst about the confusing mess my life was in, but very thankfully things aren't NEARLY so confusing or messy anymore, so there's much less angst-ing to be done, but...I still want to write and share and dialogue with you guys.  I of course have more to say about my experiences as a new lesbian, but I'm wondering...what else would you want to read? Here are some ideas I have:

  • My opinions on various LGBTQ goings on, politically speaking
  • A "book club" of sorts: I'm reading constantly, and always have plenty to say about the books I read--I'm thinking maybe a "I've read this! Have you? You should! Now let's talk about it!" kind of thing
  • Beauty picks--as some of you know, I've been embracing my femme-y, make-up loving side lately, and have lots to say about the stuff I'm loving/using/drooling over, but obviously this is NOT a beauty blog. Wondering if people want to read about this stuff?
  • Q&A/Advice-this one would depend totally on you guys, of course, but I would love to answer people's questions about relationships/dating stuff/coming out/identity stuff, since I've been through so much of it myself, and provide a space (in the comments) where you can talk to each other!
So, does anyone want to read any of that? Leave your thoughts in the comments, please and thank you!

(If no one does, and I'm left to my own devices, I might just start writing about whatever I happen to be thinking about every day.  Fair warning, what I think about every day is One Direction, how cute my girlfriend is, what I want to be eating right now, and Harry Styles,'ve been warned)


Tuesday, January 7, 2014


Today as I was scrolling through my twitter timeline, I saw a tweet mentioning Edie Windsor, and I realized, for the first time, how awesome and inspiring it is that my name--well, the name you lovelies know me by, at least--is Edie, too. It's funny because it wasn't intentional at all. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, way back when I picked the name, I had heard of Edie Windsor, but I definitely didn't know much about her, other than that she was important to the gay rights movement for some reason, and I certainly didn't know at the time the extent of her impact on this country, or the extent of her bravery.

For those of you who might not know, Edie Windsor sued the US government in 2010 after she was forced to pay over $300K in taxes after her wife (Thea Spyer) died. The short version of why is that she'd had to pay those taxes because the government didn't recognize Edie and Thea's marriage. And so, like the bad-ass bitch she is, she sued. And in June of 2013, she fucking won.  Her win was the final nail in the coffin of DOMA (the "Defense Of Marriage" act) which kept married gay couples from being able to take advantage of tons of federal provisions, like the surviving-spouse estate tax exemption that would have kept Edie from having to pay all that money after Thea's death.  As a result of Edie's case, the Supreme Court declared DOMA unconstitutional, a HUGE victory for gay rights--and this happened because Edie fought back.

Edie Windsor was on the short list for Time Magazine's Person of the Year for 2013, and they did a great profile on her, check it out if you want to learn more (and you should!)

There's also a documentary about Edie and Thea (Edie & Thea: A Very Long Engagement), which I think is on Netflix. I haven't watched it yet because I am not yet ready to cry for a thousand years.  If you watch it, or have seen it already, let me know in the comments if I will die from all the feelings.

So anyway, my point is that Edie Windsor is super cool you guys.  It may sound corny, but I feel lucky to share my name, even if only in this space, with such an inspiring woman. So, just thought I'd share that.