“You recently wrote that you and your gf went through a
tough time. Are things better now and if they are how did you get through it. I’m
going through a rough time right now in my relationship and could use some
advice”-Anonymous
Things are better between Elle and I now, but it took
time. I think we had about a month to a
month and a half that were really hard, and we’ve had hard times before. A lot of our issues both this time, and in
the past, are about our communication—or, actually, about our LACK of
communication. We weren’t talking about
how we were really feeling about a lot of things, and weren’t telling each other
what we needed (both from the other person, and in our lives in general), and
that led to a lot of the problems we were having.
The solution was TALKING. A lot. And talking honestly, and
about things that made us feel vulnerable.
I think that each of us heard, and said, things that we maybe would have
rather been kept inside, but if we had, we would have continued down a bad road
for our relationship, because we would have been pretending that things were
okay when they weren’t.
I don’t know the specifics of what’s happening in your
relationship, of course, but whatever it is, the most important thing you can
do to try to work through it is to talk to each other. About all of it. About every
feeling and fear you’re having. But I
think it’s really important to point out that Elle and I didn’t FIGHT to work
through our issues. Yes we got loud sometimes, and there were many tears, but you
have to talk it out remembering that you’re both on the same team. Try to not
to get nasty, unless the intention is for the relationship to end. I know from
experience that the nasty things said in tough times leave deep and lasting
wounds. If both of you still want to be
together, if you want to get past this tough time and still be together, make
sure to remember that and remind each other of that. You have to remember that
the whole reason why everything is happening between the two of you is because
you love each other, and are trying to make it work, but maybe don’t know how
or are scared. Be kind, even as you are
sharing your hurt, or hearing things that hurt you to hear.
I hope this helps, anon. Keep me posted?
xx
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