Thursday, October 3, 2013


Over a year has gone by since I've written about Swiss Miss. Remember herYeah...the first girl I dated, and an all around annoying and confusing presence in my life (see: Exhibit Z), back when she was a presence in my life.

The last I wrote about her, we were starting to drift apart again, and I, of course, was in the process of falling in love with Elle, but I was kind of trying to pretend that wasn't happening because I am dumb, so...yeah, SM was still around. But then, I started dating Elle, and SM proceeded to pull ALL KINDS OF SHIT, the most recent of which happened about 2 weeks ago. But I'll get to that.

Okay, so I only remember some of the bullshit that she pulled, but here's what I remember:
  • In June last year, SM texted me wanting to coordinate plans and somehow hang out during Pride. She asked me, and I quote, if "I was still dating that girl" (this was a month after Elle and I started dating) because she "wasn't sure she'd be able to handle seeing me with someone else". Um, OKAY THEN BYE. It should be a surprise to absolutely no one that I did NOT make plans to see her. So rude.
  • Then I think there were some sporadic conversations on gchat about once a month, which were really just her trying to figure out if I was still with Elle. I think once I chatted her to congratulate her on finishing school, and then a few months later she wished me a happy birthday (after not talking for months). Random shit like that.
  • At some point during this time, SHE LIKED AN OLD FACEBOOK PROFILE PICTURE OF ME IN A BIKINI ON A BEACH SOMEWHERE. Yup. Like, literally months after we no longer really speak, when she knows I have a girlfriend, she then is fb stalking me and LIKES A PICTURE. OF ME WITH MY TITS OUT (I mean, not really out, but you see what I'm saying). So brazen. So rude. (Are you sensing a theme here?) I think there was also some "liking" of Tegan and Sara related posts on my facebook, but at least those were RECENT and not as creepy. I mean GEEZ.
  • Somewhere in here, we follow each other on Instagram. I am almost certain that she requested to follow me first, since I really don't give two shits about Instagram in the first place. But then of course I had to accept and follow her because nosiness. Around this time, I also started to notice the presence of a new girl in her facebook statuses, which are few and far between. But when there was one, there was this girl's name popping up. How nice, I thought, she's finally found someone willing to put up with her bullshit. Hooray. As of last month, I think, SM and this girl are still dating, because there are now pictures of them together, like, meeting her family and shit. So, yeah, an actual relationship, it seems to me. This is all well and good! Godspeed, new girlfriend! It also makes the most recent thing even more...I don't know, rude (I need a thesaurus).
  • CUT TO A FEW WEEKS AGO. It's my birthday, Elle has put together a sweet and lovely dinner for us, and we post pictures on Instagram, a rare moment of me rubbing in everyone's faces how cute and adorable we are, and how extremely lucky I am. Literally 5 minutes after posting to Instagram, SM TEXTS ME HAPPY BIRTHDAY. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. She literally INSERTED HERSELF INTO MY BIRTHDAY DINNER. I actually burst out laughing, and when I asked Elle to guess who'd texted me, she almost immediately guessed correctly, because of course it was SM. Of-fucking-course. SO FUCKING BRAZEN AMIRITE??? I think at this point I haven't had any interaction with this girl since January (re: Tegan and Sara) and she picks THAT MOMENT to text me? REALLY???

I did not text her back.

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